"TRY BEFORE YOU BUY" - for the new approach to a better website CLICK HERE

Saturday, 17 January 2015

burning bridges - by a golfer - not Status Quo!

I have made many mistakes in my life and have been prone to 'burning bridges'
Standing by what I believe is far more important to me than what people think of me.

One of my 'failings' is that if you let me down, or 'double cross' me you will never be a friend of mine again. This is a long post, it is not just about burning bridges, but about what a friend should be.

This is a golfing tale, but similar could happen in any walk of life. (actual names not shown)
There were two golfers - myself (KB) and one 'Tony Blair' (TB). KB and TB played at the same club, were good friends and often played in 'Senior's Opens' together.

Each year they were invited by another club member to have a free day out at his expense  to play in a rather prestigious 4-ball Charity Day Competition.
This benefactor -  'Desperate Dan' (DD) is a self-made millionaire and one of the nicest people I have met in my life - a true gentleman. (sadly we have since changed clubs and drifted apart) In these events the team comprised of us three and a celebrity.

So consider this situation:
Some years ago I contacted TB to check on the arrangements for one of the days out. He stated that this years event was only a 3-ball. Given that that I was new to the team, missing out was no problem to me, it should be TB and DD day's out.

Imagine my amazement when I phoned TB after the event to ask how they had got on and he let slip that it had been a 4-ball all along! - I barely said a word and slammed the phone down. It transpired that the fourth man was Henry Winkler (HW) who was also a member of our club and a very good friend.

Why did TB lie about it being a 3-ball? 
My view is TB had invited HW instead of me for reasons of his own but was not man enough to say so (even though I had done the previous two events) - Why did he not simply be honest and let me know beforehand? - Surely he should have known that I would never make a scene that may embarrass DD or HW?


So what did I do?
To my wife's amazement I did nothing except for deciding not to play any more 'Opens' with TB. Raising the matter with DD or HW would have served no purpose - neither had done any wrong, and they could well have felt embarrassed by the way TB handled the matter.

However, I did burn the bridge that was TB a year or so later.
Our old club had folded and we all went our separate ways until one day TB (and others) came to my new club with the intention of perhaps joining.
One chap (whom I had never really had any time for) asked me for a private word and demanded to know why I had once said I would not play under him as Captain!

It was actually true that I had said those words a year or two earlier - but only to TB, and in strict confidence. I made my peace with the other chap and vowed never again would I mention TB's name nor consider him a friend.
On returning home I emailed TB to tell him so but did not say anything about his earlier lies nor that I had discovered his latest breach of trust - let him stew in his ignorance.

I find such behavior unacceptable, once was bad enough, twice was totally unforgivable.
Many folk will tell you that I am a good friend - but I can be a terrible enemy.
“A true friend stabs you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde
I would be very interested in what you may have done if in my shoes.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I do appreciate any comments whatsoever -
but please know now that whilst this blog was created so folks can 'let off a bit of steam'
that I shall delete anything I consider may be offensive to other visitors.